It’s not a sum of money, a loving family, some fancy house, a car, a bunch of memories, or a completed bucketlist of activities that cements the fact that I’m a man in my brain but a kid at heart. All of those things are nice, I’d like most of them, but the greatest gift I can give myself for when I’m 80 is the luxury of looking back at my life and knowing that the way I lived was genuine; even if it means being a dick at times.
I have goals; blah blah blah passion passion blah blah and blah. I wanted to finish this school shit this year, but because of my Dad’s knee situation I can’t take classes for 12 weeks. Do I feel a little stuck? Mehhhh a little, but THAT’S LIFE so instead of bitching about it, I’ll grab a snickers and turn a would be negative into a positive.
My cousin is going to take math this semester, same one I need so ill try to learn it now for free so when I take the class myself, I can feel retarded but still pass with a D-. I’ll be learning how to drive, helping out my pops until he can get his new knee and keep enjoying my days in the meantime.
I don’t know what my ceiling is, especially when I actually apply myself. With this class I just got a B in I learned a thing or two about balancing my ability to apply myself to the bullshit and bullshitting what I apply myself to. My personal ceiling may be high, but being grounded is what makes me appreciate all the good things I ever work for, and already have.
I’m not angry at anything. My Pops can’t stand on his own two feet right now……like, literally. I need to help him out and being understanding of a circumstance is one subtle way. In 55 days ill be 25 years old. In 55 years ill be 80. There are some hard times coming for me, for everyone really. But all I ask is its all sincere.